the marvelous world of robynn ilashchuk

The Safeway Soviet Socialist Republic

Why can't all trips to the grocery store be this amazing?  

I just fixed my woolen military coat because moving to Vancouver from Edmonton has turned me into a weak little whimpering pansy when it comes to the cold (it's a whopping -3 right now) and I can't handle it without 15 layers.  I head off, newly repaired coat on body, gigantic furry hat on head.

Checkout Guy:  "Wow.  You've got this whole Russian aristocracy thing going on.  You royalty or something?"

Me:  "Well, technically I *am* a Baroness, not that it counts for anything in THIS country."

Checkout Guy:  <checks out all my groceries, I pay>  "Thank you very much..." <looks at airmiles card>  "...Baroness Romanov.  It's been a pleasure to serve you."  <salutes>

Old lady behind me:  <baffled>

Love it.  This is why I should have a camera crew that arbitrarily follows me around.

On 2012, &c.

Been a long time since I've posted; been a long time since I cared to post.  I'm not going to go into a phenomenal amount of detail here, because anyone who needs to know my sordid bits already does, and nobody needs to hear me complain as I'm sure you've all got your own gripes.

Summing it up, 2011 was one craptacular year.  From a failed marriage to failed health, it's been mostly a junkfest all around.  There were some highlights, however:

• A fabulous trip to Vegas with my awesome BFF Dan, even though I had the demon flu the entire time we were there.
• Making some new friends and getting closer to some old ones.
• Not having to wear spectacles anymore, even though the recovery was something I wouldn't wish on my dearest enemy.
• Plenty of Mexican food.
• A nice long visit with my Mom and Dad in November, even though it was on wonky circumstances and we had to sit in the dark the entire time due to my healing eyeballs.
• Cabin rave with Dutchie et al.
• A trip back to Edmonton at the changing point of my life and having my sweetest and best friends around me to give me strength.

The rest of it, however, was by and large a load of horse puckey.

Not to worry, though - I've got big hopes for what 2012 may bring.  Frankly, anything at this stage is going to kick the spleen out of 2011.

Very Wise Was She

There was a girl - a very strange, enchanted girl
They say she wandered very far, very far, over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye, but very wise was she
And then one day, a magic day she passed my way
And while we spoke of many things, fools and kings, this she said to me:

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. 

Like sands through the hourglass....

Albert's path is a strange and difficult one.

Day three of my David Lynch kick.  Albert Rosenfield and I are one and the same.  If you know me well, you'll see it.

The foundation of such a method is love.

Love,
Robynn

'You're my man, Pete."

Sorry, kids.  On a David Lynch kick.  Bear with me.

And I'll see you in the branches that blow...

I had a demented morning.  Actually, it's been a bit of a weird week so far and it's only Tuesday.

I'm not feeling remarkably well, and haven't been since Saturday night - my suspicion is that I ate something that didn't agree with me.  In any case, food and I have been at distinct odds with one another for the past few days, and it's caused low energy, poor sleep, and a variety of screwed up dreams whenever I *do* get to sleep.

The screwed-up-edness has started working its way into my waking life as well.  Case in point, this morning.

I woke up, did all my regular morning-stuffs, and was on my way out the door, headphones around neck, when I noticed that my mascara was sitting on the counter.  I'm obsessive-compulsive, and that's not where it belongs.  It was also open.  Very atypical.  Upon closer inspection, I discovered that I'd only done one eye and looked like a ginger version of Alex from A Clockwork Orange on Casual Friday.  I went into the bathroom to fix myself, and had just finished up and was doing a quick once-over in the mirror to make sure there wasn't anything else crucial I'd forgotten (like pants) when my iPod decided to turn itself on without me knowing.  To this:

As one of the world's foremost Twin Peaks fans, it extra-weirded me out.

Logic:  "You woke up groggy from taking Gravol last night, and you're a little discombobulated this morning.  Stop being a freakin' weirdo and get thee to work."

Y'AAARGH.  BELOW BE SPOILERS.

My Brain:  "OMFG.  I'm Bob.  Crap.  Ohcrapohcrapohcrap.  How am I ever going to explain THIS one?"

And now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Love,
Robynn

Stuck in Head.

Seal + Girl = Love

In Other News, I'm Actually a Big Jerk

So as it happens, I jumped the gun and was a little hasty in my trademark Robynn™ response to the email of yesterday and am a total asshole.  Sometimes it helps if you read the second paragraph of things, or so it would seem.

Of course nobody would want robynnholmstrom.com, unless they were crazy.  Or infatuated with me for some reason.  Or chemically imbalanced.  Or something.  Maybe just because it's Thursday.  We don't know.

As it turns out, "Sandy" just wanted to exchange links.  My bad.  I'll read closer next time.

As an olive branch, here's some stuff about go karts.  (I still do, however, harbour all of my resentment toward them.  Being accident prone, close to the ground, and on wheels has distinct disadvantages.)

Love,
Robynn